I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
