we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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