P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
