Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
