evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
