3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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