Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
