Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
