Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
