I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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