Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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