There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
