that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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