Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
