Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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