Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
