stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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