Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
