also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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