she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
