i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
