I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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