nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
