My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
