I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
