i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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