i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
