i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
