So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
