also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
