okay pat passed out under dana's car
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
