watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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