I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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