Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
