I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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