Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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