I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
