I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
