oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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