I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
