Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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