so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who died my cat blue again?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
