these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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