God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
