People with herpes should wear stickers.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
