I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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