was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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