my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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