Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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