I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
