At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
