I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she smelled like a LAN party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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