If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
