@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
