I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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