What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
