How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
