Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
