my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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