My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
