***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
