So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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