Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
