That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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