I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
