You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
