i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
