Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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