we made out on top of his cat.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
