I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
