i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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